i hate myself

i hate myself.

my closest friends, i confess to you, i hate myself.

i hate myself for my lack of courage. i hate myself for living life according to the standards set by the capitalist society. i hate myself for the inability to see past material goods and wants, and follow my heart.

its insane.

its driving me to new lows. whenever i hear of news that someone is getting this high pay, or this excellent job, it drives me mad, the sense of regret that i paid such a huge sum to get out, only to experience the rubbish here.

and i am not sure now if i dare to pursue academia given this, i wonder if mentally i can take it.

this is bad, really bad. i know this is probably nothing compared to the problems of you guys, so i do apologise if its inappropriate.

Barack Obama's Acceptance Speech

good speech.

Barack Obama

This part from Obama's acceptance speech at the Democratic Convention, moved me to tears.

"We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500," he said, "but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off to look after a sick kid without losing her job — an economy that honors the dignity of work."

How true! Obama for President!

中国国歌

Its really quite inspirational the Chinese national anthem. You can listen to it here.



I have also copied the lyrics here with an English translation too.

起来！ 不愿做奴隶的人们！
把我们的血肉，筑成我们新的长城！
中华民族到了最危险的时候
毎个人被迫着发出最后的吼声

起来！ 起来！ 起来！

我们万众一心，
冒着敌人的炮火，前进！
冒着敌人的炮火，前进！

前进！ 前进！ 进！

Arise, ye who refuse to be slaves!
With our flesh and blood, let us build our new Great Wall!
The Chinese nation faces its greatest danger.
From each one the urgent call for action comes forth.
Arise! Arise! Arise!
Millions with but one heart,
Braving the enemy's fire.
March on!
Braving the enemy's fire.
March on! March on! March on!

Foreign Immigrants

i know this topic has been beaten to death in recent days by the local press but let me wade in a little.

specifically lets talk about Singapore's table tennis team. And the local reaction to their silver medal winning effort.

make no mistake, Singapore IS a country of immigrants. But of course. So is China actually, for the Chinese are migrants from Ethiopia too. Some 325,000 years ago of course. Obviously I recognize that immigration has been a trend, and most nations are formed by that. foreign talents help supplement the existing population and enhances its capabilities. thats fine.

But i think there is a huge difference between supplementing talent, and whole sale import of players! The ENTIRE team in Singapore is made up of Chinese talents specifically picked to only play table tennis. That is bordering on ridicule.

I also recognize too that many other countries are also embracing foreign talents in sports. there is a difference though, between specifically INCENTIVIZING foreign talents to join a country using monetary rewards, versus the athlete CHOOSING to defect or migrate a nation on his / her free will without any incentives. THAT, is a big big difference.

What I find objectionable to Singapore's intentions, is that the authorities deliberately went out to get Chinese players by paying them extra money / incentives etc. I embrace Ronald Susilo as although he is foreign born, he did not come here due to badminton but our system helped him reach his potential. Ditto for Tao Li.

But these Chinese table tennis players? Its not about their identity card colours, its about their intentions.

twisted fate

i thought i was on the cusp of something special in my life, but yet again, i guess fate has twisted itself. maybe things aren't meant to be. it was a pleasant surprise to me recently when i heard some good news, and just as i was about to really go for it and do what i wanted to do for a really long time, things changed.

and i think the way things are now, it just isn't meant to be. sigh. never mind, life goes on. maybe its a sign that it just isn't meant to be. i know this sounds really cryptic and probably nobody can make sense of it, its ok. i just venting my emotions through this faceless medium.